Glenderful's Shit List: Ben Affleck

There are certain men who've had me absolutely ravenous, like full-on hangry levels of craving. We're talking can't-focus-on-anything-else obsessed. So, without further ado: the latest addition to Glenderful's Shit List? Ben Affleck! Bruh, this sigma male is straight fire, and, I'm lowkey delulu about serving him—ngl, I'd be down to taste every last crumb he leaves behind. Say less, let's dive in.

Born Benjamin Géza Affleck-Boldt on August 15, 1972, in Berkeley, California, and raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts, Ben Affleck has always been that main character energy—tall, broad-shouldered, with all the rizz of an all-American king. Standing at about 6'4" (1.93 m) with a reported shoe size of 13 (US), he's got that bussin' height and build that slays in a tux or a flight suit. No cap, his swagger is highkey giving reformed bad boy vibes, and I'm here for it.

His breakout was straight banger status in the late '90s: co-writing and starring in Good Will Hunting (1997) with his ride-or-die Matt Damon, snagging Oscars and launching him to A-list. Then he ate up roles in Armageddon (1998), Shakespeare in Love (1998), and Pearl Harbor (2001)—fr, that pilot drip in Pearl Harbor had him looking so mid? Nah, he left no crumbs. Don't sleep on his cocky vibe in Boiler Room (2000)—dripping with confidence that had me cooked. Over the years, he's leveled up to director and producer, with Argo (2012) taking Best Picture and proving he's not just a pretty face.

On the diet front, Affleck keeps it balanced but practical—heavy on lean proteins, veggies, and mad coffee. He's cut the alcohol since going public about his addiction struggles, often spotted with green juices or protein shakes while prepping for roles like Batman. Lowkey, this clean-ish vibe has me gassed up, imagining how bussin' his shit would taste after all that healthy fuel. Bet it slays!

Something that gave me the feels? Back when Ben was dating Gwyneth Paltrow, that new unauthorized bio by Amy O’Dell spilled the tea: via her friend, the late makeup artist Kevyn Aucoin, Paltrow allegedly confessed she loved when Affleck "tea-bagged" her. I was immediately like, sign me up! OBSESSED with serving alpha dudes like him, I can't even imagine the scent—raw, musky, straight-up intoxicating. I'd be whipped, on my knees, begging for that huzz treatment. No cap, it's got me delulu AF.

Affleck's face? Pure rizz material—rugged masculinity on lock. That chiseled jawline is angular and strong, giving quiet determination vibes. His deep eyes? Intense, framed by thick brows that scream dominance. Nose straight and noble, lines around his mouth adding that lived-in depth—like a man who's seen some shit but still slays. Hair? Casual but on point, making him approachable yet commanding. His swagger? Not flashy, just that sigma lean—upright, relaxed, deliberate moves that pull you in. Bruh, it's a harmonious blend of strength and charm that leaves me absolutely cooked.

And don't get me started on his legendary Dunkin’ Donuts obsession—it's basically his personal brand at this point 🍩☕. Here's the scoop, no mid energy:

• It's real and deep AF. Boston roots mean Dunkin's a cultural institution; he was grabbing coffee and munchkins in Cambridge way before Hollywood lattes.

• Paparazzi turned it iconic. Pics of him juggling iced coffees, donut boxes, or trays while looking like a normal dude who's just cooked without caffeine? Straight meme gold—fans say Dunkin' runs on Ben.

• Dunkin' leaned in hard. In 2023, he starred in their Super Bowl ad (which he wrote and directed), working the drive-thru in Medford, MA, surprising folks and getting roasted by J.Lo. It was such a banger he followed up with more, featuring her, Matt Damon, and Tom Brady.

• His go-to? Iced coffee (caramel or regular), maybe a Boston Kreme or breakfast sandwich. He drinks it every day—assistants haul trays to set in L.A.

  
  

In short: Ben doesn't just stan Dunkin'; he's made it pop culture mythology—the caffeine-fueled Boston king who skips fancy brews. Honestly? With this diet, his shit must taste SO good!!! I'm gassed thinking about it.

Ben Affleck has it all: the height, the swagger, the confidence, the accent. A reformed bad boy who's still got that edge—or at least, I'm finna find out! Ben, welcome to Glenderful’s Shit List! You're slaying the game, and I'd serve you no crumbs left. 🔥