Glenderful's Shit List: Bad Bunny

When I launched Glenderful’s Shit List, I wasn’t playing games—I was curating a shrine for the men who hit like lightning and leave you parched. We’re talking next-level, can’t-pin-it-down energy—think raw, unfiltered heat that fries your circuits the second you clock it. Only the elite make the cut, and trust, these kings aren’t just on the list; they’re ruling it. Each one’s a vibe, a revolution, a whole-ass fantasy, and I’m here to serve it, unhinged and hungry.

Puerto Rico in the building; let’s scream about it! It’s absolutely zero surprise that Bad Bunny—yes, Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio—is reigning at the top of Glenderful’s Shit List. He takes every criteria and explodes it sky high. He’s tall, dark, heart-thumpingly gorgeous. Ridiculously talented. World-changing. He can sing, he can command a room, he’s got that iconic Adidas moment. A rebel with a purpose, a true star damn-near genetically engineered to snatch hearts and spark revolutions. Listen, if worshipping Bad Bunny is wrong, then slap the handcuffs on me, ICE!

But let’s get real: what really gets me is his confidence. There’s nothing faked, nothing apologetic in his vibe—he’s a style tsunami. A bona fide fashion icon, the blueprint for dreaming bigger and strutting further. I want to channel his energy with every step I take. The way he encourages us to live bolder? Giving mania!

I caught his Saturday Night Live appearance this weekend—swoon! He was magnetic: playful, sharp, ready to take on any political punch thrown his way. Comedy chops, gutsy moves—he’s got it all. He was also AMAZING in the Happy Gilmore sequel!!!

And then the word became flesh. He is tall, 5’11” of pure, magnetic presence, moving with the kind of rhythm that makes you forget to breathe. His voice, that Puerto Rican spice, wraps around every syllable like a slow, deliberate caress, turning even the most casual word into something forbidden.

And his face—oh, his face. High, sharp cheekbones that could cut glass, lips so full they seem to promise secrets before he even speaks. His eyes, dark and knowing, flicker with mischief or smolder beneath the shield of bold sunglasses, daring you to look away. His hair is a rebellion in itself—sometimes shaved into intricate designs, sometimes a riot of color, always a declaration: I am art. I am untamed.

Then there are the clothes. Skin-tight jeans that cling to every curve, oversized tees that drape just so, the occasional flash of gender-fluid glamour that blurs every line you thought you knew. He dresses not to conform, but to provoke, to seduce, to make you question everything you’ve ever been taught about desire.

And that ass—my God, that ass. Round, muscular, a masterpiece of flesh and movement, defying gravity whether he’s commanding a stage or lounging like a king in repose. It’s impossible not to imagine what it would be like to taste, to follow the line of those sneakered feet as they carry him through the world with a swagger that’s equal parts danger and invitation.

To watch Bad Bunny is to witness something electric, a fusion of sex and rebellion, beauty and chaos. He doesn’t just perform; he vibrates, a living current of desire that pulses through the air, daring you to surrender. He is not just a man—he is a fantasy made flesh, and every glance, every note, every roll of his hips is a confession: This is what it means to be alive.

Compañeros, let’s go deeper: Bad Bunny is more than a superstar—he’s the Latinx activist throwing down culture-defining moves. Refuses the status quo, amplifies LGBTQIA pride, and shatters tired ideas about masculinity. From skirts and drag to steamy makeouts on stage, he is queerness as a riot—a revolution in motion. When critics whine about “queerbaiting,” he claps back with brutal honesty: “You weren’t in my mind when I dressed like that.” He stands for visibility, truth, and for anyone sidelined or threatened for their authenticity.

He shows up. After the loss of Alexa Negrón Luciano, Bad Bunny wore his heart on his sleeve with the legendary “They Killed Alexa, Not a Man in a Skirt” shirt. This is a man who puts his body, voice, and platform on the line where the fight is real.

And honey, when he decided to ditch the U.S. on tour—making sure fans aren’t at risk from ICE lurking outside venues—he showed his empathy. That decision is more than a snub—it’s a powerful statement. Safety isn’t optional, and Bad Bunny leads with heart. Then, he turns the dial all the way up as the newly announced headliner of the Super Bowl LX Halftime Show! MAGA? They’re losing their minds. But everyone who gets it—everyone dialed into what he means to culture, music, and resistance—they know this is more than a show, this is movement.

Bad Bunny’s mission isn’t just music—it’s pushing limits, shifting norms, bringing his people and his truth right to the center stage. He is, unapologetically, the insurgent spirit we need at this moment.

Now let’s talk about the big one—his diet. Giving mania alert! Forget the diet police. Light breakfast, on-the-go coffee, maybe some arroz con salchichas (his comfort food king). His eating style is relaxed: sushi for dinner, Japanese meals at his Miami spot Gekkō with Wagyu and lobster fried rice; coconut desserts win everything (coconut flan, mochi ice cream, coconut tres leches, coconut kisses)—he’ll pass on olives.

He cooks at home freestyle, always on the rice. When training for campaigns, he tightens things up, then celebrates with crispy tuna rice or croquetas. When it’s time to indulge—he goes in, no food-shaming allowed. What you see is a hyperactive, joy-loving performer: Puerto Rican rice dishes front and center, easy dinners, and coconut-powered sweets.

Honestly? It slays me knowing Bad Bunny grew up on Puerto Rican sunshine and coconut sweetness. It’s almost like my reason to exist: just to serve him as his personal bidet. Not sorry about it!!!!

Bad Bunny—bring your unstoppable energy, bring that boundary-breaking swagger. Welcome to Glenderful’s Shit List!

Bad Bunny, llevo manifestando esta vaina desde hace mucho, mucho tiempo.

¡Vamos a hacerlo por Puerto Rico, papi! 🇵🇷🔥✨

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